Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Post Titled: Edmund Stoiber erklärt die Bahn (or something...)
my new favorite politician is former Minister-President of the Bavarian Christian Social Union Party, Edmund "Eddie" Stoiber. As I Twitterd yesterday, he says amazing things like: "if it was like Bavaria everywhere, there wouldn't be any problems. Unfortunately, not everyone in Germany is as intelligent as in Bavaria." (or as wealthy and arrogant). He also goes on long nonsensical loop-de-loop rants such as:

The man is confused. And charmingly xenophobic. So very charming. I Thought: if this guy can get a doctorate, nearly get elected Chancellor of Germany, and father 3 children resulting in a few grandchildren then anyone can. It gives me great hope.

Furthermore, to quote wikipedia: "Stoiber, as a minister in the state of Bavaria, is widely known for advocating a reduction in the number of asylum seekers Germany accepts, something that prompted critics to label him xenophobic, anti-Turkish and anti-Islam. In the late 1990s he criticized the incoming Federal Chancellor Schröder for saying that he would work hard in the interest of Germans and people living in Germany. Stoiber's remarks drew heavy criticism in the press. He is a staunch opponent of Turkey's integration into the European Union, claiming that its non-Christian culture would dilute the Union."

Great guy, that Stoiber.

On Germany.
DISCLAIMER: Here is another rant in my neverending series of rants about Germany, it is full of venomous stereotypes that I must spit solely to get them out out out so they donät eat my brain:
I spoke with my friend Robert on the phone last night for about an hour- we hadn't talked since he moved to the near of Stuttgart about a month ago.
This opens up a can of worms in my brain. First off, let me say that Robert if fully integrated into German society, his is American but speaks German so fluently and naturally that he bascially passes for a native speaker... but, having said that, he also has ever-increasing complaints (and the insider insight to validate these claims) about how things function here, -as do I.

Robert, -who is an expert at pinpointing the fatal flaws in the German Mass Mentality- is even less impressed with the Great Spießer Society of Stuttgart than he was with Berlin. I have a few co-workers from Stuttgart. As far as I can tell, they are: Un-curious. Un-friendly. Un-approachable. Football fans. (Not to be unfair - but this is not being unfair.)

"Hey, so when the moving van pulled up to our new townhouse in Stuttgart with its Berlin license plates everyone just stopped and stared, like, 10 people stopped what they were doing on the street and just stared at us as if we had just landed in a spaceship." he says in disbelief.
I don't know what the national obsession is with starting, but it happens on the U-bahn all the time. Some middle-aged fart or fartress looks you up, and dowwwn and up and dowwwn for waaay too long while you pretend not to notice.

What the fuck, seriously: stop staring people.

Their 10 year old is in school with many a well-to-do "spießer" (English equivalent: "uptight/conservative" but somtimes "square/nerds"

Robert goes on to say that "the kids are in this elementary school are idiots- or at least seems so, nothing special, just little spießer robots who follow a very tight schedules and routines. Plaid shirts tucked into khakis and a lot of beige, everywhere beige... And thier parents- when you talk to them- they don't know how to be real. Like, yo meet them, and after a few conversations you start to joke with them a bit and they just don't get it, they donät know how to loosen up and have fun at all, they are stuck in this mode of superficial formality... it sucks."

At this point of you are still reading: I know what the response to such a post might be: "Well, if Germany -or Europe- is so bad, why do you live (t)here?"
We are seriously considering moving in 2008, depending on jobs and money and whatnot. Where? No idea But I think I am basically fed up. Germany and even Europe seems so oldschool, thouroughly inflexible and undynamic and it will not change, therefore therefore I can't say it has a good change of survival in the long-term. I thought the same about the states- in fact, I know the United States is a time bomb, I KNOW that- and sure, that ship is going down down down... but it will be one hell of a ride. Europe, on the other hand, might unwittingly extinguish itself without anyone noticing.

In the meantime I am considering designing a poster campaign to call to attention the things that are currently fundamentally wrong with Germany. However, with this plague of apathy, there is no use- actually... it would just be a waste of time and paper.

Just a few thoughts as I mull mull mull this wierd existence.


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Blogger Jerome said...

Your observations about Germany's apathy are not stereotypes, they're dead-on. But you're right: hanging posters to that effect would serve no purpose.
And keep in mind that Stutti is a banking and Scientology capital. That probably adds to the brainlessness and Spießigkeit.
But Fanta Vier are from there, too, so go figure.

6:31 am  
Blogger "Post-Google" by TAR ART RAT said...

thanks, man. some days it it like- what's that Honeymooner's phrase: "Boom-Bang to the moon!" but with Germany... like, I want to bitch-slap Germany sometimes.

3:40 pm  
Anonymous zero said...

to be quite honest, i don't think stuttgart is the right place for an american to live. stuttgart is probably the right place to live for people who grew up around there. i think people there have a special mindset, you won't find anywhere else in germany. a bottle of good wine might help though to loosen up.

5:04 am  
Blogger "Post-Google" by TAR ART RAT said...

to be fair, my co-workers whom I thouhgt were from Stuttgart were not actually from Stuttgart, but rather just FANS of the Stuttgart team. Rob and I tend to be hyper-critical of Germany and Germans when we get together, but heck, we are ex-pats who have been living with German women for many years, if we were in Detroit or Sacramento or New Jersey we would be shooting the same shit in a different context... so maybe these are just life grumblings.

1:28 am  

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