Thursday, October 02, 2008

Up until now I have used Twitter to talk to myself... to console myself when I am lonely, to make myself a cup of chamomile tea when I am lonely surrounded by people at work, to document random ideas, and to lob commentary into the great interweb vortex thing, ahhh- ...but now, friends, I have seen the new way: the absolute pinnacle of quality entertainment via Twitter, namely- the Twitter account of film director Michael Bay.
Michael is the director of such films as TRANSFORMERS, CON AIR, ARMAGEDDON and PEARL HARBOR. He takes the amazing medium of Twitter and really bitchslaps it to a whole new level, for example- a few of his recent turds of

"@slashfilm No, I don't know who "Fellini" is and quite frankly I don't give a shit"

"What's for lunch? THIS IS FOR LUNCH."

"Boom. That's it. That's all you need to know."

"Went to the bathroom and took a giant dump. A dump of excellence."

"Here's a tip: if you can't sleep, try soaking an ambien in gasoline and wrapping it in C4. Chase it with pure grain alcohol and 75 pushups."

"Just fired the gardener for breathing too loud."

"Shia cried more today. Especially compared to yesterday"

"No. Seriously. Fuck You."

DISCLAIMER: I Watched Tranformers FOUR TIMES on the airplane and Armageddon made me cry- I saw it twice in the theatre. "WHY???" you might ask- well watch the affing trailer and then listen to the song that Liv Tyler's dad wrote just for the film:

if you didn't cry watching those videos (or at least get a bit tingle-y) then just stop reading this blog, ok? Go away, go watch or read something- -something else, "Post-Google" don't want you here. Or in the Twittered words of Michael Bay:

"No. Seriously. Fuck You." 08:22 PM September 29, 2008 from web
"Fuck you." 08:21 PM September 29, 2008 from web
"I love to kick ass." 08:21 PM September 29, 2008 from web
"God I'm Awesome." 08:21 PM September 29, 2008 from web

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