Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Post Titled: Ordnung muss sein...
Post Subtitled: non-fiction, on Deutschland AKA Germany... vs. my inner monologue. AND/OR: "He may be mad, but there's method in his madness. There nearly always is method in madness. It's what drives men mad, being methodical."
- GK Chesterton

DISCLAIMER: SORRYYY Iäm in a mood and this post is just me ranting. BUT, let me just say that in Germany just like in the US and probably every other effing country in the world there is of course a minority -a slim percent- of folks who are wonderful and who all this crap doesn't apply to, so cheers to you. Scroll down for the un-negative things as well.

At work last week I got called downstairs to meet with a balding man in his mid-50's, very clear and calming blue eyes, (actually looked like a plumper version of Juno's dad.) This guy was part of a ream who was camped out in our convergence room for half a week selling retirement insurance to the fearful youth of our entire firm.
Here is a round-up of our conversation translated from German:

"So, your Renteversicherung blah blah- einzahlen €50 pro Monat blah blah nür für dich blah blah"

(I grab a glass and attack the bottle of carbonated fizzy water, nodding to whatever he is saying, water... water)
"Yea, sounds good but I'm probably not going to be old in Germany, actually" THINKING: (in the voice of Old Dirty Bastard: "Nigga, PLEEZE" They ain' goin' be no damn money, yawlls just thievin' my shit an laughin yo' fa German assaes off! NIGGA PLEEEEZE! Stop feedin'me that BULLLSHHHIIIT!" MEANWHILE: NODDING WITH SERIOUS LOOK IN EYES, MAKING A LOT OF EYE-CONTACT WITH SERIOUS-MATTER BUSINESS FACE LOOK IN EYES, SMILE A TINY BIT -thinking: "NIGGA_ AIN't no damn retirement no more, we goin' work til we DIE, bitch! Or the damn weather goin' kill us randomly, superstorms and shit adn you goin' be colectin you damn €100 a month that ain' goin be woth shit cause i don't see no accountability fo' inflation here anywhere... (RETURNING TO NORMAL INNER MONOLOGUE VOICE) if I had to live here for another 30 years then I might rip my face off in frustration. NOW, after 3 minutes I am terribly bored. Drink more water.
"Ahh, Germany is a beautiful country" he says.
"That's true." I reply. THINKING: Is it? It is a green, roly-poly country... but WOW, the only time in all my 15 years on-and-off in Germany and it is probably the FIRST time I have heard a German express liking for their own country. ALSO THINKING: "Yes, beautiful country. Beautiful and terribly dull. Coaxed and pacified by control, regulation, thought-training, ... dumb... dumb like a supermodel: everything looks fine from the outside. A very healthy and well-kept supermodel who lives to be 8 years old for absolutely no reason at all. A supermodel who expects a certain standard of living , and who grunts and huffs when the price of milk goes up €0,10. A supermodel with very little ambition, so little ambition that she can never (would never) even be a supermodel. She would be Claudia Schiffer if she was never discovered dancing in the club at age 17... she would be painfully provincial and constantly moaning about money and cost and what a person can and cannot do and think. After many years. She would get incredibly fatter, slower, and dumber...
At the end of the day I am walking down the stairs next to a co-worker who I rarely speak with.
"how did your insurance talk go? did you understand anything?"
"ja, we spoke German, actually, I understood most of it -but I just said that it probably isn't practical... probably won't be in Germany when I'm 65."
"oh, ook... so..."
"I don't think we will be able to retire anyhow, and who'd want to? it would be so boring. Ugh, getting old. We really shouldn't think about this- it's depressing."
"Oh, heh... heh."
she laughs very nervously.
Last night at Radiohead it had already rained twice, I THOUGHT the whole venue was in good spirits (except for the frumps sitting next to us) but after the first 6 songs or so we descended from the bleachers to the standing crowd .we were working our way through the people and we got were a lot of poop-face glares, snarls, warm waves of passice aggression...
Very tall guy: "EHH, es ist schon voll hier!"
the crowd is "voll" ok... that's why people keep coming and going quite organically.
A guy who was actually a bit taller than me: "Ehh, du stehst jetzt vor mir, -seriously, ehh." yep, now I seriously wanna push your well-kept face into the mud, spießer. Guys fake'n bake sporty-spice girlfriend reinforces his mentality with a dramatic eye-roll and scowl, her face cracks a bit and a rockslide of foundation tumbles to the earth.
Passive agggression is alive adn well, but it stops there- all grumble-growl and no bite. Germans just back the fuck down when it comes to confrontation... unless they are Türks/arabs, then there is much more pro-active interaction. Anyhow, the show is great, but the closer we get the wierder the crowd becomes. For the most part they simply sway ever-so-slightly and joylessly... people glare if we move or dance or yell, ...there is no Ordnung here...
ordnung muss sein and welcome! For this is the Impotent Death Star known as Deutschland, bitch.

un-negative things.
So there is that side of things. The ME WORKING WITH 90 other Germans and a few random UK#ers, that which makes me kinda nuts--- then there are other times when i seriously love Berlin, and seriously think Germany is just great... talking with Tod, for example, every time we have the "Berlin. It is great. It is ideal." talk- that is TRUE. It IS great, ideal, etc. Great for autonomy, unusual existence, cheap living, cultural effing run-down garden of eden-...
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Anonymous Dan said...

"a rockslide of foundation tumbles to the earth."

Brilliant. Are you sure you haven't been reading noir fiction?!

Where/how was Radiokopf? I missed them playing some time near Warwick about 5 years ago I think... dayumn.

2:02 pm  

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