so, I went to church yesterday - Christmas mass, Catholic style, that is - and two things happened:

1: I grabbed an old tweed jacket from my dad's closet and in the pocket were a set of κομπολόι I had been searching for for the past 9 years ever since returning form an extended hiatus to Greece! I missed them terribly because somehow they were the most perfect κομπολόι for my hands, no other has felt quite so perfectly right as these, and all throughout mass I fumbled with them noisily - which was ok because from a distance they pretty much look like a decade of the rosary.

2. I hadn't been to church since LAST Christmas, but to my surprise I felt really good about my life - unlike the previous 29 years where I felt like I could've been a much better person, or felt guilty or crappy or I was really totally ok with myself. In 2010 I was a pretty damn good, fair, giving person... so I felt that really leveled things out there... like, if people go to church looking for community, guidance, answers, etc. I completely felt like I had all that in-check, not only that but just felt bad standing there amongst a bunch of adults with their heads bowed... it was all a bit odd-er than usual. But fortunately there was at least one or two semi-attractive women to look at, i.e. a Filipino woman who was either/anywhere between the age of 12 or 35 years of age with a guy who was either her father or husband -impossible to tell, really, but she was pretty. That is pretty much the only thing that has ever made mass bearable for me, looking at semi-attractive women and the overall freakishness of the social groups who show up to church, trying to figure out which one is the dad and and which one is the boyfriend...
Anyhow, I sang extra loud and felt all holy and spiritual and shit like everything was in its right place in the universe for a moment. It was, in fact. Good job, church! Thanks but no thanks!